“Young people disagree about what consent is, what sex is and who is responsible,” says researcher Hannah Helseth.
Why sex and consent are difficult for young people
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“I think a lot of the confusion among young people lies in how consent is understood in the real world. No boy wants to be accused of rape, no one wants to be someone who hurts people,” says Hannah Helseth. Illustration: iStockphoto
What do young people understand by consent? The question lies at the heart of the study by Hannah Helseth and Carolina Överlien, in which 63 young people discuss the short film Natt til lørdag, in which two young people meet at a school party and have sex in a toilet, despite the girl expressing doubt and resistance.
All the young people agree that sex should be voluntary. The challenge is interpreting and understanding each other’s signals, so that both parties can experience sex as something they want.
“The fact that non-consensual sex is understood as rape is good, but support for the consent law is not enough in itself,” says Hannah Helseth, sociologist and researcher at the Norwegian Centre for Violence and Traumatic Stress Studies.
As part of the research project Nesten innafor, Helseth and Överlien have written an article about how young people understand the boundaries between consensual sex and abuse.
“We wanted to explore what they saw as the problem in the situation depicted in the film, and what they believed had caused it,” says Helseth.
Different ideas
The researchers didn’t delve into the participants’ personal experiences in the focus group interviews. Nevertheless, the sociologist points to an understanding that recurs among the young people, regardless of gender and social background.
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“They are very clear that the sexual incident in the film occurs due to miscommunication,” says Helseth.
Although they agree on the explanation, they disagree more on what the miscommunication involves and who is responsible.
“Some of them think that the girl should have been clearer, that it's not enough to say ‘I'm too drunk for this’ and then just carry on. Others think the boy should have asked her directly.”
The answers may indicate that young people have different ideas about consent, gender and responsibility.
“For example, one boy argued that Karl could have invited Rosa back to his place, and if she said yes, then that would be a form of consent,” says Helseth.
More about the study
- Hannah Helseth and Carolina Överlien have written the article A Matter of Miscommunication: Young People’s Understandings of Rape, Sex and What Lies In-Between (2025). The study is part of the research project Nesten innafor (2024) at the Norwegian Centre for Violence and Traumatic Stress Studies.
- They examine how young people understand the boundary between consensual sex and sexual abuse.
- The study is based on focus group interviews with 63 young people (aged 16 to 20) from different parts of Norway.
- The participants watched the short film Natt til lørdag, where two young people meet at a school party and have sex in a toilet, despite the girl expressing doubt and resistance. The film presents both Karl’s and Rosa’s perspective.
- A key finding is that the young people describe the situation as miscommunication, but disagree on what should have been understood and who is responsible when something goes wrong.
Women as gatekeepers
The sociologist emphasises how our expectations shape what we perceive as clear and what we don’t. She believes that gender norms can help to explain why misunderstandings arise.
“Patriarchal norms mean, among other things, that women are gatekeepers of sex. Women are held responsible for making their position clear and setting boundaries, while men are almost portrayed as uncontrollable, especially when they are young and frisky. This can contribute to absolving men of responsibility. Another, more liberal gender norm is sexual market thinking, in which sex is understood as a kind of equal exchange, where both parties are responsible for themselves and their boundaries,” explains Helseth.
“You also have a third norm that is about sexual equality, care and reciprocity, listening to each other and adapting.”
Among girls, being sexually liberated, cool and up for stuff is a strong ideal.
The researchers call the fourth gender norm seductive masculinity and the ‘good’ lover.
“Some young men hold more traditional views, believing that men should take the initiative, but also that this ‘seduction’ comes with responsibility. A good example of this is one of the boys saying that if you don’t understand that, you shouldn’t use your penis for anything other than peeing.”
Helseth believes there is a link between the norms young people bring with them and how they interpret sexual signals.
“If you think that men are entitled to sex, then it’s the woman’s responsibility to stop it. But if you think more along the lines of reciprocity, it’s about listening and adapting. The challenge is that these norms exist simultaneously and that people are different, and they can thus clash when it comes to sex.”
In today’s society, many girls are also influenced by external pressure, which can lead to challenges.
“Among girls, being sexually liberated, cool and up for stuff is a strong ideal. This can make them go along with something they don’t really want to do. Some norms also suggest that men’s needs are more important than those of girls. These structures influence how sexual situations develop, including in romantic relationships. This can make it difficult to realise that what you are experiencing is violence,” says Helseth.
The duality of masculinity
While girls face pressures and ideals, boys struggle with the duality of masculinity. Helseth sees a clear tension in how the participants in the study understand the boy’s actions.
“Young men are expected to be, and want to be, respectful and not overstep boundaries, while they are also expected to take the initiative, be confident, have control and be sexually successful. These ideals often conflict with each other.”
The researcher recognises that boys can find it challenging to know how to behave around girls and sex, both because they are expected to take the initiative and move things forward, and at the same time not cross anyone’s boundaries.
“Add alcohol, inexperience and a lack of reflection on what you want or what the other person wants from sex, and sexual situations can become chaotic,” she says.
“However, it is, and has to be, the case that the person who takes the initiative must both take responsibility and be the one who listens. But we should recognise that this can be a demanding role with respect to the prevention of sexual violence,” says Helseth.
Confusion around consent
In public debate, consent law is often highlighted as the solution to preventing sexual abuse. Helseth, however, believes it is not enough.
“We don’t need yet another campaign about the importance of consent. Everyone agrees on that.”
The problem lies elsewhere, according to the researcher.
“I think a lot of the confusion among young people lies in how consent is understood in the real world. No boy wants to be accused of rape, no one wants to be someone who hurts people.”
For Helseth, it is therefore crucial not to oversimplify how we understand sex and consent.
“All the young people support consent as an ideal. But they have different ideas about what consent is, what sex is and who is responsible. We have to talk more about what consent actually means in practice. Is it something you say once, or is it something that has to be negotiated throughout the entire situation? And what exactly is the purpose of sex?
She also believes we need to understand how young people actually think, not just what they should think.
“We chose to take a closer look at young people because sexual violence is largely a youth phenomenon. It is particularly young women who are affected, and young men who largely carry out the behaviour. That’s why it’s crucial to understand what young people themselves think about this.”
The sociologist believes more research on young men is needed to reduce the number of sexual assaults.
“If we are going to prevent sexual violence, we need to understand how young men perceive these situations. What they notice, what they’re uncertain about and what norms they navigate by.”
Helseth also believes that fostering a shared understanding can help young people in their sexual lives.
“I think sexual scripts should be included in sex education, so that students can learn and better understand how norms, power and expectations influence sex and consent in practice. We need to make listening as important as asking,” she says.
More than miscommunication
While Helseth highlights how norms and miscommunication shape young people’s understanding of consent, criminologist and researcher Maria Louise Hansen at the University of Oslo focuses on how these experiences are lived from the inside.
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While Helseth highlights how norms and miscommunication shape young people’s understanding of consent, criminologist and researcher Maria Louise Hansen at the University of Oslo focuses on how these experiences are lived from the inside.
“My study is based on interviews with people who speak about unwanted sex and rape they have experienced themselves. My research participants don’t talk about miscommunication as such, but about situations that are clearly unwanted or that in different ways shift from wanted to unwanted,” says Hansen.
Although the participants in her study experience the situation as confusing, they don’t explain it as the result of miscommunication. Hansen believes that the explanation of miscommunication presented in Helseth and Överlien’s article may be linked to which characters the young people identify with in the film.
“Karl and Rosa may be like them. If they recognise themselves in the situation or can imagine that this is a situation they could find themselves in, it may be easier to explain it as the result of misunderstandings or poor communication. Anyone can misunderstand something, without that making them ‘bad’ people.”
Explaining it as something else places greater demands on them and can threaten their sense of self, the researcher argues.
“If you interpret it as one person taking advantage of another, it suggests that they are deliberately trying to hurt them or simply don’t care. That’s more difficult to identify with.”
Communication often ends up being about talking, not listening and responding.
Shifting responsibility
When unwanted sex is understood as miscommunication, responsibility is also shifted, Hansen argues.
“The solution is often better communication, and this is often interpreted to mean that it is up to the person who doesn’t want to do something to make their position clear.”
She points out that communication in practice often revolves around what is actually said.
“Communication often ends up being about talking, not listening and responding.”
The result can be an unequal distribution of responsibility.
“In heterosexual relationships, the woman is often expected to know and communicate her boundaries, while the man is expected to respect them.”
A gradual development
In Hansen’s research, people describe how many sexual situations develop gradually, often without clear clarification and with alcohol involved.
“It may be about a desire for experience, fitting in, gaining status through sexual capital or emotions. For some, it’s also about the fear of ruining something by saying no. This can be in relation to the other person, or linked to one’s own social status. In my data, few people want to come across as ‘prudish’.”
In such moments, it can be hard to interpret signals from the other person, or even to recognise one’s own needs and boundaries.
“If you are focused on your own sexual project, it becomes more difficult to listen to the other person, or you get carried away and end up in a situation that you didn’t want.”
“Many also take a long time to conceptualise or categorise such experiences,” says Hansen.
“Maybe it’s only afterwards that you realise that it wasn’t okay, and only in hindsight does it become clear that what you wanted didn’t matter to the other person,” she says.
“Other times, the experience was ambiguous in the moment, as it resembled other sexual experiences that were wanted or even enjoyable.”
The article has been translated from Norwegian by Totaltekst.
